Teasing and kidding around are normal, even necessary, parts of fire department life. But sometimes things can go too far. When not properly managed, teasing can lead to bad feelings, poor leadership, and even physical violence in the fire station. However, good leadership, conflict-resolution skills, and attention to appropriate team building can head off problems before they occur and strike a balance between a workplace that is perceived as “sterile” and one that is completely out of control.
The most important way of managing teasing and kidding in the fire station is to make certain that it is consistent with the mission of the organization-in other words, teasing, kidding, and joking around should all enhance the mission of the organization: service to the community, good teamwork, inclusion, and getting the best out of everyone. If this is the intention of the teasing, and it is entirely possible for this to be the case, that is the first criterion. If this is not the intention, the behavior is not appropriate, no matter what form it takes.
The fire service has a great mission-to help the community and take care of one another-and this mission is usually well fulfilled when out on emergency scenes. It is rare that interpersonal problems occur when people feel they are actually “doing the job.” The problem comes because some people think once the truck is backed into the station and the bunker gear is stowed, their obligation to the essential mission of the organization ends. Good teamwork and positive interpersonal relations are easy when there is a clear and important task at hand. The challenge comes during that downtime and, in fact, this is when the vast majority of problems occur.
FIREFIGHTERS AND LEADERS ALL THE TIME
The first step toward ensuring that kidding and teasing are positive influences in the workplace instead of destructive ones is to make sure that people understand that they are firefighters 100 percent of the time they are at work. This doesn’t mean that they will always act exactly the same. Different circumstances require different actions. But it does mean that a certain level of professionalism must be maintained throughout. Firefighters are “doing the job” all the time, whether they are responding to a call, inspecting a building, reading a book, or mopping the floor.
It is not enough to simply state the organization’s mission or to plaster it on the wall in the form of a poster. The mission must be lived and demonstrated, particularly by those in positions of leadership. Nothing undermines leadership more than the “Do as I say and not as I do” attitude that some have. People in leadership positions need to understand that a single incident-an inappropriate joke, an incident of malicious gossip-can completely undermine a person’s credibility and all the work that has occurred up to that point.
The mission is the big picture, the overriding purpose, the ethics of the organization. Good leadership happens in small degrees every day, and it isn’t just a function of those who have rank or position. Everyone in the organization, down to the newest recruit, must understand that they are each in a leadership role in relation to someone and that each represents the fire department equally to the community. Everyone has some power to defuse and influence situations before they get out of control.
DEFUSING THE SITUATION
One of the hardest aspects of managing teasing and kidding around is being clear about its intention and effect. Is it meant as a way of including someone or as a way of isolating that person? Is it truly funny in a way everyone appreciates, or is it malicious? Is someone taking offense because he doesn’t understand that the intention of the teasing is positive, or is that person justified in feeling victimized? Is it professionally appropriate, or clearly out of bounds? When the answers to these questions are not clear, what can you do?
One example is two firefighters on opposite shifts who tease and pick on each other at shift change. Everyone knows that they probably don’t really like one another very much, but the teasing is always done in the context of joking around and if called on their behavior, both will claim that they weren’t really serious. Yet it continues, day after day and week after week-the use of unwanted nicknames, the recounting of embarrassing incidents, comments on physical appearance or lifestyle issues. Everyone sees what is going on, but few are likely to intervene.
If one person has more power than the other in this type of relationship-more seniority or more rank-it can be very difficult for the target to say anything, and he will just sit there and simmer in anger and frustration, which may come out later in inappropriate ways. If both parties are of more or less equal stature, the behavior will probably escalate, sometimes to the enjoyment and encouragement of those witnessing it. When the parties are more or less equals, spontaneous confrontation or even violence in the moment is more likely. When the parties are unequal, it would be more likely for the person who feels victimized to come back at a later time with some type of retaliation.
What could be done in this situation? Several options exist. The first is to simply stop the behavior. This would require someone in a position of higher rank who has the authority to do this. Having an officer step in and say “All right, that’s enough. It is not appropriate; knock it off” is usually enough to stop the behavior in the moment. The officer can then get together with the individuals involved, either separately or together, and talk to them about how their behavior is affecting the rest of the crew. The officer should emphasize what professional standards are expected from all team members as well as the consequences if those standards are not met. This is probably the simplest and most effective way of stopping negative behaviors that are on the verge of going too far.
It is important not only to stop bad behavior in the moment but also to look at root causes. Stopping one type of bad behavior may only lead to the beginning of another type if the causes are not understood and addressed. It is part of the officer’s job to understand the strengths, weaknesses, and needs of the crews under his charge. If two members have bad blood between them because of an incident outside of work and they cannot let it go when in the fire station, the officer needs to know this and take action accordingly.
Another way of defusing situations is to redirect attention. A lot of abusive kidding around is about getting attention for oneself. If the attention is redirected, the behavior has no purpose and will often stop. Since inappropriate teasing and kidding usually occur during downtime when people have no particular job to accomplish, redirecting attention to a goal-oriented task is one way to diminish the behavior. Officers can obviously do this by giving orders, but peers also have the power of redirection. “Let’s go wash the truck. Let’s work on the map book.” Anything that takes attention away from the escalating situation can have a positive effect in the moment.
An alternative to redirecting attention is to refuse to give attention at all. If someone tells a joke or ridicules someone in a way that really isn’t funny, don’t laugh. The silent, disbelieving stare is very effective for shutting down those who become inappropriate as a way of drawing attention to themselves. Likewise, if you are the target of unwanted teasing or the observer of inappropriate behavior, just getting up and leaving the room can send a strong message.
ACCOUNTABILITY
The key to dealing with inappropriate behavior is to hold people accountable. If you are the target of unwanted teasing, you can approach the person who is doing it, one-on-one and away from the social center of the station, and tell that person how you feel. It is important to do this privately and seriously, without being threatening. Don’t laugh or apologize when you speak to the person. Don’t yell or use profanity. Just say directly, “I know you probably don’t mean any harm by it, but I really don’t like being called by that nickname, and I wish you wouldn’t do it anymore.” If the other person tries to laugh it off and tells you that you are not being a good sport if you don’t go along, just repeat what you said.
It’s all about accountability. Don’t let the other person make you feel responsible for the behavior. State the facts of the situation in clear, simple language. “You know, when you repeatedly bring up the mistake that I made at that fire two years ago, it makes me feel that you’re trying to embarrass me in front of people who weren’t even there. I was just wondering what your intention is in bringing it up so often.” It is very likely that when confronted in this way, the other person will rationalize or attack: “Oh, don’t be so sensitive.” “What, you’re too good to have your mistakes talked about when we talk about everyone else’s?”
It is important when going into these encounters to make sure that you aren’t in fact being too sensitive and that they really are talking about you more than they talk about others. Get your facts straight. This type of encounter should be planned. Spontaneity is the enemy of effective problem solving in these types of situations.
If you are a third party and notice inappropriate interactions between others, you can hold them accountable as well. Pull the perpetrator aside and say something like, “What’s going on between you and Bill? Seems like things are pretty tense.” Again, it is likely either through rationalization or cluelessness that the person will assure you that everything is fine and that it’s all in fun. You can then offer your own personal observation that Bill didn’t seem to be enjoying it as much as others were, and maybe everyone should rethink what is going on: “I’d hate to see both of you get in trouble for something you didn’t mean.”
Kidding or teasing is a local event-it happens within the confines of the station or the office. To control it, it is critical that you empower people who have authority at this level-the station officer, the supervisor of the work group. People in these roles should understand that they have the power and the responsibility to stop inappropriate behavior. If they do so, it won’t necessarily go any further. You don’t have to make a federal case out of one inappropriate comment, as long as the problem is solved at that level. Letting people do their jobs at the level where they have power and authority restores faith in the system for everyone.
To perform well in these roles takes training and skills. Most people are not naturally good at constructive confrontation, interpersonal problem solving, or conflict resolution. Their natural instincts may even make the situation worse. Train all department members in what is expected of them and the basic skills to apply in the process. Officers should be given more attention in this area, but no one should be overlooked.
Having fun in the fire station while still attending to the essential mission and solving problems before they go too far-a balance among all these things is possible, but it takes leadership and skill at all levels of the organization. Commitment to a fair, equitable, and inclusive workplace for all starts at the top but is sustained through all levels of the department. Holding people accountable is not the same as scaring or threatening them. Accountability is ultimately empowering-it lets people know they have the power to make decisions and that their decisions matter, whether those choices are made on the fireground or during a conversation around the kitchen table.
Someone once said that leadership is action, not position. Taking action to manage teasing and kidding in the workplace creates respect and credibility for the persons acting in that leadership role, regardless of the rank or position they might hold. ■
