Criticism. Who needs it? Actually, we all need it. We don’t necessarily like it, but we need it. The fact is, criticism helps us learn from our mistakes, and the faster we learn, the faster we progress and grow. People who criticize skillfully and tactfully help others improve skills and grow professionally. People who listen to criticism correct mistakes sooner and improve work methods more quickly.
Taking criticism is difficult because we feel threatened by it. Criticism threatens our self-esteem and confidence. For many, criticism is also difficult to give. Some managers so dread giving criticism that they avoid it altogether. Avoiding needed criticism, however, is counterproductive. People need feedback on their performances. When we give feedback, we hold up a mirror that allows others to see the impact of what they are doing. Skillful criticism helps others correct mistakes and upgrade the quality of their work. Refusing to give criticism denies others opportunities to solve problems and make progress. Failing to give needed criticism limits other people’s professional growth and can put their jobs at risk.
Most of us, however, are sensitive to criticism. When we hear criticism, our adrenaline starts to flow and our blood pressure goes up. We have what psychologists call a “fight-or-flight response”: We get ready to protect ourselves-either by striking back or by running away. This fight-or-flight response is natural and common, but it isn’t very productive. It cuts off communication, often just when it’s needed most.
GIVING CRITICISM
No doubt, you sometimes feel the urge to give criticism on your job. The purpose of criticism is to help others improve.
Your first challenge when criticizing is to get others to listen. When people feel personally threatened, they don’t listen. Instead, they either begin preparing arguments and defenses, or they flee.
The Guiding Rule
Follow this rule when criticizing: Attack the problem, not the person. Judgmental terms about a person’s character, attitude, or personality are especially likely to trigger a defensive reaction. Therefore, avoid using terms such as rude, incompetent, undependable, careless, inconsiderate, irresponsible, sloppy, and bad attitude. Instead, attack the problem by focusing on facts-data, equipment, dates, and numbers. When you attack the problem instead of the person, you maximize listening and minimize defensive reaction.
Do not use the word “you” in your criticism-to avoid becoming personal and accusatory. Sentences that begin with “You are …” frequently end in put-downs.
Be tactful. Tact had been defined as “the art of making a point without making an enemy.” Your goal is to present negative feedback in words that the other person can listen to without defensiveness. Attacking the problem allows you and the person you are criticizing to be on the same side: The two of you begin working together against the problem rather than working against each other.
The Self-Test
Before criticizing, you should always test your intention by asking yourself a question: Why am I giving this criticism? If you find that your intention is to make the situation better for everyone, fine. Your criticism is legitimate. If you are angry and your purpose is to punish or get even, then stop yourself. Angry criticism often ends up as venting at someone else’s expense. If your motives are confused, wait until your goals are clear before you criticize someone.
Timing
Choose a time for your criticism when your listener will be most receptive. Receptiveness to criticism depends on circumstances and personalities. The best time to correct a small error is immediately, before it can grow into a big one. But bigger problems-especially ongoing ones-require more tact. Some people are morning people; others are ogres until they’ve had their morning coffee. If a person is in the middle of a major project or is facing a crucial deadline, it may be best to delay your criticism. People typically do not respond well to criticism when they’re feeling pressured.
Too often, managers let emotions drive the timing of their criticism. They let frustrations build and build, then storm into the other person’s office, complaining loudly. The other person yells back, and nothing positive results-no learning, no progress, no improvement.
Deliver your criticism when the other person can give it fair consideration and when you are in emotional control. This strategy will serve your purposes best. Communicate for results, not out of frustration.
Location
Admonish friends secretly; praise them openly. This holds true for criticism as well. Public criticism is humiliating. It threatens the person’s self-esteem and triggers defensiveness. If you want your listener to hear your criticism objectively, criticize privately.
Tone of Voice
When a person has willfully disregarded rules, reprimands are sometimes appropriate. But when you want someone to listen and learn, natural tones of voice will be most effective. Wait until you can avoid sounding angry when you criticize. Then state your criticism in normal, conversational voice tones.
Building Relationships
Criticism is always easier, and usually more effective, when you’ve built a supportive relationship with the person you are criticizing. When you have a good, trusting relationship with someone, he is much less likely to feel threatened by criticism.
A relationship is a little like a bank account. You make deposits through positive contact-sincere compliments, praise, friendly courtesies, and offers of assistance. When you criticize, you make withdrawals.
It’s important to balance criticism with praise and compliments; however, you should take care when mixing the two together. Frequently, to soften the blow of a criticism, managers will begin a criticism with a compliment. For example, a manager might say, “You did a very nice job on the ABC report, but the XYZ report has too many errors.”
Sometimes, the criticism cancels the impact of the praise. Similarly, the praise may obscure the message of the criticism.
Of course, when evaluating work, it’s useful to review both good and bad performances and to point out what has been done well and what needs mprovement; but avoid the habit of beginning every criticism with a praising statement. Often it’s best to let criticism and praise stand alone-especially when giving your first feedback. When you wrap praise and criticism together, both messages can get lost.
Planning Your Criticism
It’s always useful to plan what you will say before you begin your criticism. Emotions often become strained when criticism is being given, and it’s easy for the criticizer to become confused or emotional. Be sure you know exactly what behaviors you wish to criticize before you begin. Plan ahead and gather the facts, data, and examples you’ll need to clearly demonstrate the correct behavior.
The EPM Formula
It’s often difficult to maintain focus and emotional control when criticizing. The EPM Formula provides you with a structure for keeping your comments constructive and your emotions under control. The three steps in the EPM Formula are: Empathize, Pinpoint problems, and Move forward.
Empathize. This means putting yourself in the other person’s position. Before criticizing, you need to try to see the problem from the other person’s point of view. Maybe the person you’re criticizing is new to the job; maybe there has been reorganization; or maybe many employees in the department have called in sick.
The first step of your face-to-face criticism will be to make a statement that demonstrates your empathy: “I realize that you’ve only been on the job for one week.”
“I understand you’ve been swamped with work because of this reorganization.”
“I understand that people called in sick this week.”
An empathizing statement demonstrates that you will be reasonable and considerate. When you open with an empathizing statement, your listener is encouraged to listen without defensiveness.
Your empathizing statement should be brief. One or two sentences will be fine. Otherwise, you may get sidetracked into a discussion of the other person’s problems, and you’ll never get to the criticism.
Pinpoint problems. When criticizing, you need to be specific-very specific. After you empathize, stick to the facts. Pinpoint actions that aren’t satisfactory.
Too often, criticism is vague and confusing. Critics tell us to work faster, take more initiative, or show more enthusiasm. It’s hard to tell what they really mean. It’s hard to translate their feedback into action, and we get frustrated or argumentative.
Helpful feedback is specific in one of two ways: numbers or behaviors. Don’t tell people to work faster. Instead, inform them that you want them to make six more outgoing calls per hour. Don’t tell someone to take more initiative. Instead, suggest that he call the customer back to confirm that a complaint has been resolved.
Why don’t critics use specific language? Typically, it’s laziness. It’s easy to make a quite negative statement. Being specific requires analysis and clear thinking. Take the time to determine what’s wrong and what you’re asking for. Then you can give a clear message that the other person understands. The result is more effective communication and a better response to your criticism.
Move forward. Once you’ve pinpointed problems, you don’t want to dwell on them. That can sound like browbeating. What you want is for the situation to improve, and it’s time to move forward toward finding a solution. With subordinates, you can give instructions, assignments, or orders. With peers and superiors, you move forward by opening a discussion or a negotiation.
Moving forward involves the person you’re criticizing in planning a solution. While helping construct the solution, he will come to understand your criticism better. He will also support the proposed action more wholeheartedly. We all like to see our own plans succeed.
Avoid the “But”
“But” is a negative trigger word. It’s so strong that it tends to cancel the preceding positive statement. Notice how the empathy dies in the statement, “I know you’ve been sick, but .ellipse” To get the best results from EPM, avoid “but,” “however,” and “nevertheless.”
TAKING CRITICISM
The two common negative responses to criticism are fight and flight.
The fight response shifts the focus from the problem to personal aggression. The person who is fighting displays an “I don’t make mistakes” attitude. The verbal response is typically hostile: “That’s ridiculous.” “Keep your opinions to yourself.” “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The flight response is designed to escape the criticism as quickly as possible. Sometimes a person being criticized will actually leave the room; other times, he will avoid criticism by staying away from a meeting or even from work. The verbal response, if there is one, is often self-deprecation: “Oh mercy! I can’t do anything right.” “Dumb me.” “I’m so terribly, terribly sorry.”
Despite being outwardly opposite reactions, fight and flight are psychologically similar in that they attempt to protect the self, the ego, by circumventing or denying the criticism. Those in flight either cave in and refuse to evaluate the criticism constructively or attempt to escape it altogether; fighters refuse to consider the possibility of having made a mistake. Neither response is very productive. Defensiveness and flight both shut off learning opportunities.
All of us are susceptible to the fight-or-flight response. It’s a natural, biological reaction. Fortunately, we can develop skills to control and minimize it in fire department situations.
The popular advice for taking criticism is, “Don’t take it personally.” This advice may be hard to follow, but its message is sound. Criticism hurts because we take it personally: We put our self-esteem on the line, making ourselves emotionally vulnerable. If we can avoid taking criticism personally, we can avoid being threatened by it, and we can avoid the fight-or-flight response.
To avoid reacting defensively, revise “Don’t take it personally” into a new, more action-oriented slogan: “Take it professionally.” Taking criticism professionally is an art that can be learned, developed, and refined.
Learning from Criticism
Criticism is like a stick. When someone throws it at you, you have three choices. You can pick up the stick and hit the other person with it (fight). You can either pick up the stick and beat yourself with it or run away (flight). Or you can pick up the stick, examine it, and decide how you might use or alter it to have a new tool.
Choose the third option. All criticism, even malicious and unjustified criticism, contains information. Evaluate each criticism in terms of your job performance and how your performance is perceived by others. Use criticism as a tool.
The key to taking criticism professionally is to recognize every criticism as an opportunity to learn. When you choose to learn from criticism, you assume an attitude of strength.
Learning Levels
Sometimes your critic will lack tact. Sometimes he will be inaccurate or even hostile. Even in these circumstances, however, it’s possible to learn from criticism. Look for learning opportunities on three different levels.
Learning Level 1: Factual. “The figures were wrong.” “The report was late.” “You missed the meeting.” A factual criticism may or may not be accurate, but it’s always worth considering. Investigate the area of performance being criticized and the specific behaviors that your criticizer considers unsatisfactory.
If, for example, someone were to find fault with your handling of office equipment, you would want to determine what you were being held responsible for and what actions you had been performing improperly. You might discover that you were expected to perform daily maintenance-which you hadn’t understood to be your responsibility-or that you had been making repairs incorrectly.
Learning Level 2: Perception. A criticism may also teach about a perception or communication problem. Sometimes people perceive things differently. What looks like a promotion to one person might look like a demotion to another. What one person sees as an opportunity another might see as a lot of extra work. Misunderstandings happen. That’s why we sometimes need to confirm others’ perceptions.
Memos that seem crystal clear to you may be baffling to others. A simple phrase like “What do you know?” can have four different meanings depending on which word is emphasized. Criticism teaches you how others interpret your meanings and perceive your actions. It reveals miscommunications and contrasting perceptions.
Learning Level 3: Relationship. Sometimes, when someone seems overly critical, it’s because the person is bothered by something he is uncomfortable talking about. Inaccurate or petty criticism may indicate a deeper-level relationship problem.
When dealing with a relationship problem, it’s sometimes useful to tactfully confront your criticizer. For example, you might say, “I get the feeling you’re bothered by something else as well. Is there something else you’d like to talk about?” However, proceed very cautiously for two reasons. First, we’re all sometimes tempted to use relationships. Second, relationship problems are often best solved by working together to solve fire department problems. When two people work together on a problem, focusing on facts and issues, underlying relationship problems often dwindle in significance.
The 4-A Formula
Maintaining emotional control is just as important when being criticized as when you are criticizing. Use the 4-A Formula to structure your responses when being criticized: Anticipate (a learning opportunity); Ask questions (to understand) ; Agree with something (to establish common ground); and Analyze (to determine your course of action).
The 4-As put you in a position of strength. They allow you to maintain emotional control while gaining maximum benefit from the criticism given.
You anticipate criticism by asking yourself a question: “What can I learn from this criticism?” Then, whenever you feel yourself feeling defensive or getting angry, you repeat the question: “What can I learn?” That’s the emotional key to taking criticism professionally. It puts you in the driver’s seat. It makes criticism into an opportunity to learn.
You should prepare now for future criticism you’ll receive. Plan to ask yourself silently: What can I learn from this criticism? Program this question into your mind now, and use it to deflect your fight-or-flight response when criticism is directed at you. You will find it especially valuable when the criticism is tactless or pointed: “You’re wrong.” “You made a mistake.” “Your staff meetings are boring.” It will allow you to maintain emotional control and keep an open mind.
Sometimes you can go a step further and ask for criticism before it is offered: “How could I have done this better?” “What should I do differently next time?” Asking for criticism takes the sting out. It also makes criticism easier for the person whose job it is to give it.
After you anticipate, you ask questions. Criticism shouldn’t be vague or imprecise, but it often is. Frequently, you’ll have to help your critic be a good communicator. Ask questions. Ask for examples. Be sure you know exactly what behavior is being criticized.
Suppose someone were to criticize you with this statement: “You’re not a team player.” You might respond with the following questions: “Can you tell me what I’ve done to give you that impression?” “Can you give me examples?” “How do you think I should have handled that situation?” Ask questions to draw out specifics, illustrations, details, and perceptions. Be sure that you fully understand a criticism before responding to it.
Take care not to turn your questions into challenges: “How can you say that?” “What gives you the right to talk to me that way?” “Who do you think you are?” These are actually attacks in disguise. Instead, ask straightforward, sincere questions in an information-seeking tone of voice.
Agreeing may sometimes seem impossible. It isn’t. First, remember that you don’t have to agree with everything. You need only agree with one small point. Second, remember that you can agree on two different levels, either in principle or in fact.
If you believe that your criticizer’s facts are in error, you can agree in principle: “I agree that it’s important that work be done on schedule.” “I agree that customer service has to be that first priority.” “I agree that team play is important.”
If you believe that your critic has misinterpreted your intentions or motivations, you can agree in fact: “It’s true that I wasn’t at the meeting.” “I can certainly see how the information in the report could have misled you.” “You’re right, the figures were wrong.”
Agreeing is useful for two reasons. First, its forces you to listen and to look for areas of agreement, which helps you to maintain a professional, cooperative attitude. Second, stating a point of agreement establishes common ground. It puts you and the critic on the same team-you’re working together against a problem.
After agreeing, you should avoid the words “but,” “nevertheless,” and “however.” Just as the word “but” often cancels out a critic’s empathy statement, it typically overrides a statement of agreement. Instead, state your point of agreement and pause before continuing.
The first three As-Anticipate, Ask questions, and Agree with something-lead to the fourth A: Analyze. You have been gathering information and looking for common ground on which to build a response. Now, before responding, you should take time to evaluate what you have heard and what your alternatives are.
If possible, take time out before responding. A professional response at this point might be: “Thank you for bringing this up. Let me look into this and call you back in five minutes/this afternoon/tomorrow.” State exactly when you will reply so you don’t appear to be ignoring or downplaying criticism, and be certain that you do respond as promised. Otherwise, you’ve simply fled.
Being alone, away from the pressure to respond, will allow you to consider the criticism objectively. Does the critic have a valid point? What are the facts? What does the fire department policy or procedure manual say? You may want to speak to neutral parties to find out if their perceptions correspond with the criticizer’s (avoid relying on friends and allies who will be predisposed to support you). Think about past criticisms you may have received. Does a pattern exist? Is there an ongoing problem that needs to be resolved?
Sometimes, an immediate response will be required. Even then, you should pause for a moment to consider your options before speaking. Bite your tongue, if necessary. Then think about what you have learned and what you hope to accomplish before you respond.
Your relationship with your critic will affect your response. If he is your supervisor, you will certainly want to look hard for a way to comply. Sometimes compromise is required. Allies are important. We sometime accommodate other people’s eccentricities or pet peeves with the understanding that they will tolerate ours. How you respond to criticism remains your own decision. In the end, your response may be a total yes, a total no, or a partial agreement. Or you may negotiate with the person, talking over the issue to plan actions you both can live with. It’s up to you.
The professional manner of responding to criticism is assertive, which is neither aggressive nor fawning. Keep your head high and your voice strong, and make eye contact. Avoid actions like clenching your fists. The overall message is: “I’m evaluating the feedback, not backing down. I want to understand the criticism before I decide what I think about it.”
Although we often hear the term “constructive criticism,” much criticism is actually destructive. Critics often make personal attacks, venting their own frustrations on a hapless listener. Recipients of criticism-even when the criticism is tactful and constructive-often feel hurt or angry. They fawn, run away, or strike back aggressively rather than try to solve the problem.
Professional criticism is a process that maximizes communication while minimizing venting and defensiveness. The critic empathizes, pinpoints problems, then moves forward toward finding a constructive solution. At the same time, the person being criticized anticipates a learning opportunity, asks questions to clarify issues, finds points of agreement, and analyzes the criticism objectively before responding.
The result is faster learning, faster problem solving, and greater personal and organizational growth. Everyone benefits.
John M. Buckman has served 23 years as chief of the German Township Volunteer Fire Department in Evansville, Indiana, and is second vice president of the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC). He was instrumental in forming the IAFC’s Volunteer Chief Officers Section and is past chairman. He is an adjunct faculty member in the National Fire Academy residence program, is an advisory board member of Fire Engineering, and lectures extensively on fire service-related topics.
