I Was Born For This Job
Having arrived early for a luncheon appointment with Raymond, the newly appointed chief of the Notingham Fire Department, I was waiting for him to reach a point in his paperwork where he could break. He finally looked up.
“It’s been about a month now. How do you like being chief, Raymond?” I asked.
A broad smile crossed his face and his eyes lit up. “It’s great. I think I was born for this job.”
MARY’S BOMBSHELL
Raymond’s obvious joy brought to mind a conversation my wife Mary’ and I had had at breakfast a couple of days before. We were chatting about nothing in particular when I brought up that our oldest son, Joseph, a drummer in a rock band, was planning to play a conga drum on a stage in the Soho district of Manhattan while Marry, another member of the group, recited poetry and sang.
“What’s wrong with that?” Mary asked.
Shocked at first that an explanation was even necessary, I said, “Mary, for goodness sake, I larry can’t sing and he mumbles when he speaks.”
She continued reading the paper. Frustrated by her apparent unconcern, I went on. “I asked Joseph how he could do such a thing. Wasn’t he aware of Harry’s limitations? Didn’t he have any pride? Wasn’t he concerned about people throwing things, yelling, or booing?”
Mary put the paper down but still didn’t say anything. Determined to get some response, I continued. “Where do they get their nerve? I could not do such a thing. 1 mean, the guy can’t even sing when he has the group behind him. I would be so embarrassed.”
Then, as only Mary can, she hit me with a bombshell. She matter-of-factly said, “Harry and Joseph like themselves. That’s why they can do it.”
1 sat there silently—digesting and fully accepting what Mary had said. The simple truth of her statement impressed me.
SOMETHING QUITE DIFFERENT
Notingham, a small community with a single firehouse, needed the best possible man for a difficult job— fire chief. When I came here as a consultant to assist with the selection process, I tried to get to know each candidate as thoroughly as possible. Consequently, 1 had gotten to know Raymond quite well. He was an excellent salesman and ran —with his wife—a very successful distributing business. He was very’ articulate, took care of his health, enjoyed vacations, loved boating, dressed well, and had earned a college degree. He was proud of the many years he spent as a firefighter and officer and especially of the fact that all his brothers and sisters also had done well, although their large, loving immigrant family had been poor.
Raymond stood apart from the other candidates. At the time, 1 couldn’t put my finger on the quality that made him stand out, but that quality was evident to the other members of the selection committee as well as to me. Sitting here now and looking at Raymond’s apparent delight with himself and with Mary’s comment still fresh in my mind, I realized that the attribute that set Raymond apart from the other candidates was the same one that made it possible for my son and his friend to go out and perform. Raymond, Joseph, and Harry shared a common bond —they liked themselves.
PUTTING OURSELVES DOWN IS NATURAL
Many powerful influences on human development and performance are so basic and natural that mentioning them sometimes is considered a waste of time. Liking yourself is one of these influences. During my experiences as a motivational seminar leader, I have met quite a few leaders who did not like themselves. I did not go into the subject in detail with them, but the dislike was evident in varying degrees. While it is natural for us to become dissatisfied with ourselves from time to time, many of us consistently underrate our accomplishments and attributes. This practice can hold us back in our personal and professional lives.
One of the most common forms of putting ourselves down is denial of self The reasons we do this are many. We may have been taught by our parents, teachers, or religious instructors that it is not “right” to love or speak well of ourselves. It appears that these lessons have been well learned. If you want to see how well they have been absorbed, try this exercise. Compliment someone for a job well done. In many cases, instead of accepting the compliment, the individual w’ill hasten to tell you that the compliment is unnecessary and will proceed to tell you why: “The job really wasn’t that hard” or “I did it before and therefore it wasn’t that difficult.” In effect, the person is saying, “Please don’t praise me, especially in front of others.” This is a form of self-denial. Turning the words around, it is a denial of the self—and not good for you, especially if you tend to be the passive type and a manager.
On the other hand, responding to the compliment with a simple “thank you” reinforces self-esteem, your feeling of self-worth. Learning to accept compliments in this manner can help you to improve your self-esteem. When complimented, recognize that it is not “w rong” to savor the recognition. Use the experience to build your self-image. It may be difficult for some to understand why it should be necessary to have to tell anyone, “It’s okay to like yourself.” But the inner barriers of guilt and shame built by ourselves and others can make it difficult for us to think well of ourselves or to believe that others can think well of us.
NO SUCH BARRIERS FOR RAYMOND
Raymond evidently had no such barriers. He accepted compliments on his many accomplishments with a smile and responded to each compliment with an appreciative “thank you” that reflected that the compliment did not come as a surprise. He was used to compliments. He came across as someone who held a positive image of himself and considered it natural that someone else agreed with that image. In fact, he expected the recognition.
An individual like Raymond brings strength to a managerial position. He doesn’t have to w restle with his inner self as much as someone who doesn’t have as positive a self-image. Perhaps his biggest asset is that he not only likes himself but expects others to like him as well. The picture of Raymond hiding out in an office trying to avoid facing his firefighters or community officials or lacking the confidence to make decisions is inconceivable. Raymond and people like him who have a positive attitude about themselves and expect others to see them in the same way have an added advantage: They usually influence people to like them and to view them as individuals who can get things done with a minimum of static.
Of course, being liked entails more than simply thinking well of yourself. Keep in mind, for example, that liking yourself and being conceited are two very different things. Also, you must have a high degree of what I call “granted external validity.” In other words, people looking at you from the outside must identify something that will allow them to accept your assigned self-worth. Unless they can see reasons for liking you, they will not do so no matter how much you expect it. Raymond, Joseph, and Harry are truly likable. Spending less than 20 minutes with them establishes that fact. People who like themselves are well-rounded, good, and competent and generally are a joy to be around.
The following suggestions can help build self-esteem.
- Correct faults that create guilt, shame, or other negative feelings.
- Learn to forgive yourself and acknowledge that you have the right to change and start over, if you deem that necessary.
- Do something that will make you proud, and keep doing it. Choose activities that will help you feel good about yourself—-things that others will recognize as valid and worthy of notice.
- When you are complimented for achievements, accept the praise with a “thank you” that tells those around you that you, too, think you deserve the compliment.
- Treat yourself as you would treat a wife, girlfriend, husband, boyfriend, or anyone else you want to impress favorably. Buy yourself a present once in a while. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive —just a reward for you. When Raymond got promoted, he bought himself a trailer with an electric winch for his boat.
I’M BETTING ON RAYMOND
I’m betting that Raymond will do a superb job as fire chief of Notingham. During lunch he described a meeting he had had with his five captains just after taking over as chief. He explained how some of them understandably still were trying to get back on track after having been passed over in the selection process. He called them in to his office and shared his goals for the next six months. He explained that the goals were not chiseled in stone and that objectives would be realized only if all five were willing to work with him. He then asked each to commit himself to w’ork together and to choose the goal for which he preferred to be responsible.
“Did they discuss the goals or offer any suggestions?” I asked.
“No,” he answered candidly. “But that w ill come. I’m sure of it. The next meeting’s tomorrow . I’ll let you knowhow it turns out.”
“Did they all voluntarily pick their projects?”
“No,” Raymond answered. “I had to assign projects to two of them. Hey! Think about it. They need more time to heal Here’s what I did. I prepared a chart for each project and met with each captain individually and asked him for a reasonable completion time. I explained that weekly progress would be plotted on the chart that would be displayed on that long entrance wall in the firehouse.”
I smiled. “That’s your salesmanship training showing up.” Then, I asked, “What are you doing to bring the firefighters into closer contact with you?”
Eager to answer, Raymond proudly said, “I set up an enrichment lecture series. One of my firefighters gave me the idea—and by the way, he got full credit for it. Ten speakers, experts on their subjects, already have been lined up. I can’t tell you how easy it was to get them to help us out. A flyer with all the details will be mailed to each firefighter’s home. After the lectures, I plan to hang out and create opportunities for some give-and-take discussions with department members.
“By the way, I also plan to start up a newsletter that will include local and regional as well as department information.”
Raymond frowned and then continued. “I have a problem with one of my lieutenants. He’s due to retire in about two years and has just about quit doing anything. I first wanted to get my projects going and set up the newsletter and lecture series before turning my full attention to this situation. I figured that it would be best to get underway the projects that will inject a positive attitude into the department, but next week I’m going to have a visit with the lieutenant.”
“What will you say?” My interest peaked.
Raymond answered without hesitation: “That the community, the department, and I need the full services of a lieutenant, and then I’m going to ask him how he feels about it.”
Yes, I’m betting on Raymond to turn the Notingham Fire Department around with a minimum of resistance from its members. As a matter of fact, I’m also betting that Raymond will never have to resort to using raw power or engaging in dirty politics; that he will unite the department into one big positive, vibrant, and productive entity—a reflection of himself; and that he and —for the most part — those with whom he interacts will enjoy the experience.
Furthermore, I’m betting that Raymond will grow to like himself even more and that when the time comes for him to retire, he will continue to view himself and others in the same way he does now. In place of the usual bitterness and scars many chiefs take with them into retirement, I’m betting that Raymond will take instead positive memories that he will cherish and a sense of self-satisfaction stemming from knowing that he did the job he was born to do —and that others also saw it the same way.
